As I wrote earlier, I just cancelled my landline Verizon service. I was a little scared (comfort and nostalgia), but went through with it. Below summarizes my experience with Verizon’s customer service folks during this “trying” time.

Any doubt I had about getting rid of my service was wiped away with Verizon’s frustrating, dare I label it as customer, service. I looked on their website to find a number to cancel my service. Nothing obvious nor did anything come up using their handy-dandy search service. There was the “I’m moving” option, so I looked into that. But, that seemed primarily to transfer my Verizon account from one address to another. So, I figured I’d call “Billing” That seemed right since I was hoping to cancel my bills along with my service.

At 3:36 pm, I made the call. I was greeted with a voice-activated response system. Happily, within a minute, I’d been able to select “Cancel my account” as an option. This is pretty easy. Here we go, no turning back now!

I was on hold for 28 minutes. With horribly loud and poorly selected classical music. Twenty-eight minutes! After that seemingly endless wait, I got connected with a person who asked me for my phone number! When I dialed in 28 minutes ago, the stupid computer told me my phone number and I told it that was the number I was calling about to boot! This guy didn’t know? Oh well, I told him and also provided my name. He asked how he could help me today. Well, since I selected “Cancel my service” from the menu of options 28 minutes ago, maybe that’s what I’d stick with. That’s great, he said, and told me he’d transfer me to the Cancellation Department to help me. I interrupted him, asking if I’d have to be on hold again after having waited so long. He said it shouldn’t be long. So, after being on hold for 28 minutes, I spoke with a person for about 1.5 minutes and now I was headed back to that liminal space known as On Hold.

The line went quiet. There was no horrid classical music, no ringing to connect me, no voices. I panicked, 30 mintues of my life gone and now I’d been disconnected! I pushed a few buttons (0 and 1 mainly, perhaps a hark back to my previous career as a computer scientist), and prayed that I hadn’t been disconnected. I hung on, prepared to retry only if I heard a dial tone or one of those weird fast-busy sounds. Deep breaths, control and channel that anger. It’d all be over soon.

At 4:16, after 12 minutes in the silent abyss of Cancellation Department Transfer Hold Hell, a person picked up. She asked for my number and name. I grumbled out the digits and my name. She asked what she could do for me today. OMG…WTF…ARGH! With a bit a strain in my voice, I said I was calling to cancel my account. Her first pitch was “we can offer you a $12.95 per month plan that’s cheaper than your current service.” I told her no, I wanted to cancel. She asked if I was moving. I said no. She said she could cancel the service. Woohoo! Finally, it seemed like I’d called last century. But, then she asked me for a contact number. I asked why, to which she said it was in case there was a problem. After going through legal gyrations to make sure they would not sell, reveal, use, or do anything with my new number unless it was in regard to the current cancellation process of my landline, I gave up my cell phone number. I hope that doesn’t come back to haunt me. She asked if my contact number was a cell phone. I told her yes. She asked if I was using Verizon Wireless. Oh god, not another pitch. I said no, and thankfully, she moved on. Though, I wonder if I’ll start receiving mail solicitations for signing up to their mobile service!

She asked if I wanted the line to offer a forwarded number or just list it as disconnected. Those were my only choices…I asked. I chose the latter, preferring not to have a dutiful person copy down my new number to sell to more telemarketers. We scheduled the service to be shut off at 8 am this Wednesday. I couldn’t say tomorrow, Tuesday. I wanted a day with my line, just to say goodbye.

So, 43 minutes and 37 seconds after I dialed Verizon, I said goodbye to my service person. I really have to wonder if the long holds, transfers and pitches were aimed at wearing me down, hoping that I’d hang up and keep sending my money to Verizon. I hung in there though, and now all I’ve got is a cell phone. I’m pretty excited about saving the more than $400 per year I spent on my landline. Here’s hoping it goes well!